wednesday

I feel like I’m caving in on myself. Like life’s opportunities are a window that is slowly closing. I have my routine, but doors aren’t opening or presenting themselves. My energy’s draining away too, I don’t know if it’s age or environment or both. Or mindset even. There just aren’t a lot of positives around any more. Hope, excitement, fun, and not dislike and contempt like there’s so much more of nowadays. We need to go back to the 70s or 80s. I don’t need the middle east with nuclear capabilities, it’s tough enough worrying about living in my town without worrying about a pocket nuke being plopped on us or Israel.

On the plus side, METV is now showing some great old shows I enjoy so I can record them. Thank god because there’s zilch on broadcast tv except for thursday nights.

Got a couple of PC games coming, hopefully that will provide some respite from the doldrums. Even the pc games out now aren’t exciting or hopeful, some are downright dreary. We need a new Pacman, or a new Wolfenstein and not so much of the online gaming shit which has become so routine.

Monday

New year, 2012. Hope it’s a great one.

I’m in love with Paget Brewster’s nose. It’s elegant, not small, and attractive. And goes well with her eyes.

Sunday

Woke up pretty depressed this morning. Not sleeping well is getting to me, I’m getting tired of constantly having a sore neck. Then watched ‘Candy’ with Heath Ledger. Pretty damn good movie but depressing as hell. I wondered while watching it how Heath felt dealing with his painkiller addiction while playing a heroin addict.

Went to the park in the afternoon, it was nice. Many people out. Beautiful colors in the leaves.  Allergies are playing hell with me, but it was nice and relaxing.

Still waiting to hear from Terrace Park. I need a few more boxes for moving.

Bit worried about Felisa, she wants to leave her job in January. It’s not a good time to leave any job, but she’s of her own mind.

Monday

Glad Hurricane Irene is finally through the US, some damage and flooding but could have been a lot worse. I hope those people get their power back quickly – heat and flooding and no electricity is just miserable.

I need to stop taking melatonin to help sleep, it gives me the weirdest dreams and I end up tossing and turning. Last night’s was too weird. Some guy broke into my house back in Irving. I thought when he was there he was stealing shit, but for some reason he apparently had brought a purple folder with a bunch of notebook sheets written on (like from Seven.) So anyways I catch him and tell him to stop while I dial 9-1-1, so he runs off of course, and for some WEIRD reason 9-1-1 connects me to a small town post office voice mail.  So I’m all flipping out trying to find out the direct police number (no yellow pages about, no internet). And I woke up all tensed up, legs locked, hands balled up into fists. Weird.

tuesday

The new class started at work this week, which means everyone changed seating assignments. It worked out pretty good – the irritating ones have been moved away from me, and the ones close by are pretty entertaining. Loca called in sick yesterday, maybe she’s finally realized this is not the job for her and moved on. I hope so.

My manager incessantly picks at her eyes during our one on ones. I don’t know if it’s unconscious, or a tic, or maybe looking at my eyes makes her feel like hers have something in them. But it’s just something I noticed yesterday.

We had a ‘get to know the new people’ activity where we had to go around with this bingo sheet of information, and get people to sign off on the box that fit them. I hate shit like this. Well correction – it’s fine to do this shit if you give people time to do it, but they expect you to do it on breaks or lunch. Eff that, I’m not wasting break time doing that. Plus I think it’s a dorky way to get to know people. Do a group meeting and allow people time to gab, that’s the way to do it.

Flippin allergies are kicking up, so annoying. Loratadine seems to help.

Thursday

Birthday. A year older. Trying not to think about it.  Age is a state of mind.

Sunday

Hot as hell, this has just been a brutal summer heat-wise.  Although I miss Texas at times, this time of year I don’t miss it as they’ve been consistently over 100 for awhile.

Got an email from Sheleigh at Oppenheimer, she looked me up through Pam’s friend-list. Nice to hear from her I guess though we were more just polite acquaintances than friends at any level. She mentioned she’s been at Oppy for 21 years. That just frightens me beyond belief, remembering the difference people who worked there. She is either the master of office politics, or plays the nice game so well that no one thinks bad of her. She does have a very nice and non-confrontational personality, plus I don’t believe she was ever in a position of authority over anyone, which is a huge plus.

Work at S is going well. Still trying to find ways to not get bored, tho lately call volume has been high enough to keep that at bay. LS wants me to become a class assistant towards October, which works for me. I always enjoyed helping to train people, plus it shows enthusiasm towards helping coworkers.